well this morning i had a great big melt down i think i cryed for around an hour it got so bad that i was making stupid whimpering noises which then in turn made me laugh and cry. I had a fight with mum yes i had one with her she didn't really have much to do with it i just lost it and slammed some doors and stomped out of the house acting like a 5year old.
Why you ask did i lose the plot well as i finished chemo last week i should be all excited but i am still bald and fat, grumpy and tired, i cant sleep and i still cant taste food,i have a lovely taste in my mouth 24\7. I am sick of having numb feet and hands, I always wake up feeling like i have run a marathon all ace. and i have been biting everyone head of anyone who looks at me the wrong way and I'm sick of being stuck in the house doing the same old stuff everyday. And i am sick of having no money. So i lost it and i took it out on mum (sorry mums i love you i don't mean half of what i say)
And i start thinking about all the things i cant do and it made me feel worse. So i stomped out of the house and drove to the park and sat there and had a wha. I then came home and picked mum up as we had some things to do in town. Then driving along rocks road i pull into a car park and say to mum lets go have a wine. So at 11am we go in to the boat shed and have 2 glasses of bubbles each, this i have decided is a great way to get over having a wha. :)
And as i sit here and type this entry i am thinking man I'm an egg really. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself there are people out there who are way worse off than me.
i know i am aloud to have a melt down but what a waste of a nice day.
So tomorrow is another day i know i have a long way to go and i will probably have many more melt downs but its how i pull myself back from them that matters. If i choose to let life get me down always or if i just have a wha every now and then.
So lesson for the day if your having a bad day drink in the mornging you'll feel better :)