Done

Well, seems kind of right to be writing this on our national cancer support day. Em is done and dusted with chemo drugs. Wow even saying it I don't think it has sunk in. Everything that Em has said in her post I plus tick, except she forgot to mention the most important person to thank, and that my sweet girl is you. This journey has and will be the toughest , most emotional, heartbreaking, and amazing journey you have ever been on, and you have done it with such strenght, and incredible positivity that I really am in ore of you.

Now I know you will approach the next faze of your life with same positiveness. One day at a time, this is the time for truly looking at your life and doing what is important to you and what you are passionate about, a time to keep putting yourself first. Go and once again be passionate about what is ahead for you, You can do, be and have anything you put your mind to. I am so proud of you and I would not of wanted to be anywhere else but by your side though this journey, and I feel very lucky that we have such a close relationship, so thank you , and I love you so much.  xx

no more chemo!!!!!!!!!!!1

Well last chemo I'm excited and scared and i don't know if it has really hit me yet. The last week i have had chemo brain and been quite clumsy tripping on everything nearly falling over and burning may hand lots and forgetting what i am doing. I did some baking on Tuesday. i made a vanilla slice which i took out of the oven and dropped it but i did manage to save it and it wasn't to bad. on Wed i baked a caramel Chocolate Browne but i didn't look at the size of the dish you need to cook it in and it over flowed through out the oven (twice yes i cleaned it up made the dish bigger put it back in and then did it again) this also turned out to be really yummy to eat so it wasn't to bad but while cooking this i spilt my coffee all over the bench cooking books and the floor, spilt thee sugar and then grabbed the element that had been on for a good 20 Min's (good thing my hands are numb from chemo cause i should of felt it and i got a blister but i didn't feel it so i guess it wasn't to bad) so maybe i should give up on cooking for a while until chem brain is gone but after all that it always gets eaten by the boys so it cant be all that bad. and then I've been doing things where i go into my room to get something and come back out not knowing what it was that i was supposed to get. So apart from being a clumsy person and quite tired its all done no more chemo. I'm sure it will hit me more when i get to next week and i don't have to go to the hospital yay! mums and me are thinking we will have a nice quiet week next week as we have been so busy lately.

I also cant wait to stop taking the pills but i have to take them tonight and tomorrow. Hopefully ill get more than 3 hours sleep like last night.

It has been an Amazing ,Scary, emotional and some times great  Journey I know its not over i have recovery and ill have check ups every 3 months then every 6 months and then every year. It has been long and up and down.But there has been some amazing people i have meet along the way things i have seen and done that i would never have if this was not in my life's path.

Life's  not fair at times but  there  are people   way worse of that me

 I AM A CANCER SURVIVOR.

I have learnt so many things we don't really think about cause in life we tend to just keep going

I have learnt to listen to yourself

its OK to slow down sometimes and love life

if you love some one tell them don't wait

if you want to do something don't put it off just go and do it

hug your family as much as you can and spend time together

have people around you who make you happy

smile lots

and be silly

don't be afraid to ask the answer will be yes or no

if you love someone tell them don't let them get away but if they arnt the right person don't be afraid to walk away

another thing i have learnt is how the people you think will stand by u when times get tough  are not always the people who do.

thank you to everyone who has been there for me the support the text the presents the love your time for making me laugh

Thank you to the amazing Jane Clark and your beautiful family for all your support and love and hats and baking you guys are stars much love to you all. xxx xxx

Thank you  to my family up north Anton, Kate, Mila and Juno for my surprise visits and my talks on the phone to Mila would have me smiling for days love you guys and i so cant wait to see you I'm so excited cant wait xxxxxxx

Thank you to my Dad and my sister Danielle and nick for being there the text that keep me going and for just being you guys and thanks dad for coming down to see me you made my week love you all xx xx

To the rest of my north island family Dale, Paul, Nana and Grandad and Nana and Pop love to you all and thank you for your words of wisdom and all the text's they kept me going cant wait to see you all when i come up in a few weeks xx xx

To all my friends i went to school with who i haven't seen for ages but showed there support Aids and EmaCant wait to come hang out with you guys and catch up with your family its been way to long and Kylee Bowater you rock xx xx

Dylan Symonds well what can i say thank you for coming to see me for your text  that always seem to show up when i need to smile, for still seeing me even if i changed on the outside and for just being you thanks you  you are one of a kind xx xxx

To my nelson friends and clients Lisa Dudley, Halee Tremlett And Rhy, thanks for the girls night and your supportive texts and Rhy thanks for being you and hanging out with me and William xx  Talia and Amieka and your family your kind words and time you have spent with me means so much love you all xx     Maxine and Vicki  and the Robbie's team. love you guys xxxx    Jason  Tinker(thanks for keeping loaded with movies :)  and coming away with me when i needed a break and for when you were here making me laugh lots. Thanks  to all my clients for the cards and flowers and books so lovely. and thanks to Sandy Sanders for the treats you gave me and all the magazines and keeping my job open for me. love you all to bits your awesome with your messages of support xx xx

Sarah and Mel you guys rock i love you both to peaces and cant wait to continue our long friendship with all of us starting new journeys xxxix

To Loraine and Bee and Karen

Thank you for your suport your baking and your friendship love you all xx

To the craft night oh what fun the people the talks the food and the crafts thank you.

And to my Mums Well what can i say I'm getting a wee bit teary thinking about what to write to you MUM i could not have done this with out you you held me up when i couldn't do it myself yo put up with everything i have thrown at you the ups and downs you always stayed by my side even when nothing you could do was right. i don't Even know what to say to you mum words arnt enough you are one of a kind you are amazing and strong and i love you so much thank you xxxxxxx

Thank you to Tommy, Baydon  and Mike thank you for putting up with my moods xxx xxx

Thank you to William who would sit with me when i couldn't get out of bed not talking just being there and for all your help and comming to lots of chemo's with me and for all your pictures you drew me to make me happy and smile you are the best Puggles xx 

To anyone else i f  have forgotten you i am so sorry chemo brain thanks and much love to you xx xx

William holding my last lot of chemo  about to be hooked up to the IV

Happy family's come to support Mums, Amieka, William,Tommy Talia was here as well but silly me i didn't get any photos and Sarah came up as well :)

55mins to go with chemo drug then 20 min of say line to be flushed through

Cuddles with my cute niece Amieka

Tommy and William playing cards

Me turning of my IV line for the last time YAY!

SO SPOILT

what a lovely jester a lady who had breast cancer thought that every woman who finishes treatment should get flowers so i got this lovely bunch of flowers and a lovely anonymous card very sweet

Sarah brought me some cool pink shoelaces through pink Pilate's and a really cool necklace where i get to choose what i want it to say at the mo it says (Love Life)

and a really cute brooch and card from the beautiful Jane (my other mum)

Intense conversation

and then we came home and had to put this photo up of Amieka cause its soooooo cute :)

And now my new life Journey begins

Ema:)

Me

As Em has said this lovely lady Deidre yes Deidre so she can only be great {for those of you that don't know that's my name} has been fantastic they all have,  they make the hours of treatment pass so much better. We are both extremely emotional again this week, actually I think we are just worn out, mentally exhausted and teary. Still we are one of the lucky ones 2 to go not like the so many new ones that are just starting, my heart goes out to them all.  It is nothing but pure hell there is no other word. If there is any thing I have learnt it is the incredible  courage and minds ability to overcome the knowing. For who in their right mind would rock up to chemo and volunteer there veins to be poked and toxic chemicals pushed through their body and knowing ,when they get home they are going to feel like crap, yet each week, up they go again. The emotion that goes with all  this is sometimes overwhelming, and coming towards the end of treatment you are able to slowly start coming to terms with what you have been through, and  what life is going to be like without doctors, nurses, specialists, and the many other people you see on a regular basis.  The new normal!

Love Dee

14 chemo down 2 to go

one of the lovely staff up at chemo. but this lucky lady got to be my oncology nurse so she had to put up with me for nearly 6months but i am sure she loves me and will miss me lots when i finish!

Took 2 goes to get a line in today my veins are starting to  pack up they are over being poked and prodded.

I re shaved my hair last night in the hope that it will grow back not patchy? thought it was better to do it now before it got to long and i may not want to do it after that.

So i have 2 chemo to go. i am really tired and i am breaking  up and getting lots of fluid build up.
my lips are cracked and wont heal and i had a cut that wouldn't go away. i  went to Body wise in nelson and they recommended Comfrey balm it helps with dry skin chapped lips blisters and slow healing wounds and its chemical free. yay! after using it for 24hours everything started to heel after 3 weeks of not healing. so this stuff is great i highly recommend it.

I seam to be unable to get enough sleep and i am always tired at the mo but I'm sure that will pass i only have 2 more weeks, then recovery building my strength up getting rid of chemicals out of my system building my immune system up getting rid of fluid build up. but all that will be easy bring it on. hopefully the next 2 will go fast and then i will be free yay!

I am going to go to my doctors on Monday to have a few tests. a blood test to check my sugar and a blood pressure check as my heart rate is up a bit and i have been having a few dizzy spells. but could just be a side effect from all the chemicals and drugs i have to take. but worth getting it checked out.
so it was a rather long day today at chemo as there are lots of new people coming in ,we were there from 11am till 2pm. I must say that i am slightly over chemo. it seems to drain me more each time but im nearly there so again i say bring it on.

And i have met a new lady who started her chemo last week and we have spent a bit of time together and there are a few more who my nurse will introduce me to to spend some time with them. It feels like a life time ago that i was just starting out at chemo. and it's good if my experience can help other people i am more than happy to be a support person.
Ema :)

High tea at chemo

 my mums looking all glam for the high tea at Sarah's last chemo

 the happy couple arrive Sarah and Steve looking very glam and such a amazingly strong couple.

 me trying to get a Little bit glamed up

 Steve looks amazing such a good Butler and such a supportive husband to Sarah there wouldn't be many males around that would have done all that Steve has done for Sarah.  they could possibly be the perfect couple.x

 don't mind if i do thanks Steve

Well today was a great day Sarah's last chemo so proud of her.And so happy that out of this positive things happen and I'm sure we will be friends for years.

luv you guys your both awesome xx

also now i am down to three chemo to go yay!!!!!!!!

Ema :)

lost my chemo family today :(

Today i had to rent a crowd at my 7th chemo (now down to 6 yay) (started with 16 lots of chemo with 2 different drugs) it was very quite today. Mel has finished chemo and has moved on to the next part of her treatment and Sarah did not have chemo today as she was having a few issues. so yes my mums was there as always but my little brother came as well to keep me company playing uno.
my little brother William (11) and i are very close everyone asked how he has coaped with me getting sick well he has been great i didn't hide anything from him he has seen my scar he has spent days with me in my room when i couldn't get out of bed on the first lot of chemo i had he never really left my side weather he was just there or talking to me. he did seem to get sick every time i had a chemo session but i never get sick from him i seem to be immune to him which is good.he has been a great support for me he kind of just knew when to be quite or when to cheer me up. My other brothers who are at home Baydon (18) (has moved out now) and Tommy (15) have been great as well but they kind of just stay away and let me get on with it they didn't want to see my scar but that's cool Tommy wants to come up to a chemo in the school holidays as he wants to get into med so he wants to see what  happens.
I think for me how it has worked well is they have only seen me cry once when i first found out. (through out this i have only cried twice really i don't see how crying will help me)  is that if they want to know ill tell them and I'm very positive well most of the time. i do have days where i come off my drugs and after 3 nights of not sleeping i can be a bit grumpy but they understand and they know I'm not going any where. I also have my sister Danielle (19) and Nick (12) they live in Auckland i talk to Dani a bit about whats going on and she is great i get random i love you texts msgs which make me smile. Nick i haven't really talked to about what is going on he knows but he knows I'm OK. and my older brother Anton (30) and his partner my sister in law Kate (30) they are in Auckland as well and Anton came down with one of his baby's to see me and came to chemo to see how i roll. And my dad is in Auckland as well and he rings me all the time and is great at making me laugh. the rest of my family some in Auckland and grandparents in Dargaville have been amazing as well i didn't want everyone to come down and see me while i am having treatment but they have been a great phone support. and when i am finished my treatment i will be heading up north for a long holiday to see everyone. This journey started in January and i have 6 weeks of treatment to go. I will still have check ups ever 3 months for a while then every 6months then every year and also reconstruction as well  but i am getting there .
Ema :)

our chemo family 9 down 7 to go yay!!!!!

 Well today at chemo was a good day  we had Sarah and Mel's birthday one was last weekend and one this coming weekend. and our Beautiful Mel had her last chemo session today so that really cool and she is about to head of to the next part of her cancer journey up in Wellington. (hopefully I will get  to go up and see her while she is up there.
so our chemo family is getting smaller but we will all stay in touch. My cup cakes were quite nice in the end the worked out quite well even after the explosion. The Chaplin came down and she made us all sing to Mel and Sarah which was good.We also all of us got our iv lines in in the first go except i had a bit of a bleeder or a gusher when my line decided to pop out but got it back in and it was all good.
William and Jane came up as with my step dad away Jane picked William up from school and brought him up to us and stayed and had a coffee which was nice.
Today's lesson i have given up on parallel parking I have decided that if i get 1/4 to a half into the car park that is enough for me and if people don't like it tough I say. The good thing about doing this is mum always spots my car as its the one half out of the road. :)
Ema :)

our chemo mid winter xmas party

                             

 Mum and i like to be a little weird so we had to get all dressed up for today and take some silly photos. the cookies mum made and i iced good team work.

 two lovely Lady's at chemo it was her last chemo so that was why we had a we party and i had a piece of fruit cake ( which i don't like but this one was so good i had 2 pieces mmmmm!

 some more of our chemo family the amazing nurses who put up with us and are great at there job,  chemo patients and our support people. good times had all around at chemo. you have to try to make it a little entertaining.

 two very special people Sarah above and Mel below such strong and positive people very cool to have meet them and to be able to spend time with them.

all in all was a good day we even had Xmas music playing and everyone else who wasn't apart of our group still got involved. so that's chemo no 8 down and 8 to go yay half way their, and another week where my iv line went in in the first time as they are such pros up at the day stay. its funny you come quite close to everyone up there and everyone who is going thought their own thing and has their own story they still sit on their lazy boy or lie on the bed with a smile and there is always lots of laughter coming from the room which is helped lots by the amazing staff and volunteers

Ema :)

week 3

Today was session 3 of 12, this is Em the lucky last left  all alone.... We had our lovely circle of friends today all with there mums , so it was an extra special circle of love, particularly for one of our special  ladies

who had not so great news today, but shes incredibly strong , very beautiful and has an amazing support system, we send extra love out...

I still cant believe even after 3 sessions how Em is managing so much better, shes not sick, she stays up with us, eats dinner and other than her colour and body tiredness, one would never no she had just been through chemo.  Much love Dee

my trip to the hopital for chemo

had to be on a bed today as it was a new drug i was starting and there was a high chance of having a reaction but all went good until i got out to the car park and me being me liking attention i threw up in the middle of the road four times. yep that's me. but after that i feel great this lot of chemo is going to be easy yay!

my IV line in my hand my veins like to run away and hide so it took an hour and 4 attempts to get a line in so now my hand looks like it's a junkies hand :)